I survived a non-sucky networking event

by Patty K on August 15, 2010

Last week, Joe and I attended a Biznik casual mixer. I wrote about preparing for the event here. This is what actually happened.

On the morning of the event, I noticed that I wasn’t really feeling nervous. I took this as a good sign and as further evidence of my growing super powers.

I also had second thoughts:

I wondered whether it was worthwhile to drive 45 minutes to meet with only 4 people.
My lack of nervousness indicated I wasn’t really challenging myself. Considering that that was my primary intention, maybe I should wait and attend a larger event?

I recognized my pattern right away. Part of me is always looking for sound, logical reasons to avoid social events. I decide that this alone is enough of a reason to go.

We arrive at the venue. Quiet coffee shop. Lots of parking. And we’re only about 5 minutes late thanks to Joe’s expert traffic and construction dodging techniques.

We don’t know the people we’re meeting, but we’ve seen photos of them on the Biznik site. The event organizer is a young woman with long dark hair. We were also expecting another woman and 2 guys.

Where are they?

We walk into the coffee shop and scan the surroundings. We can’t spot our meeting. Uh oh.

We go to the counter to buy time coffees. I do another scan of the room while the barrista prepares Joe’s latte. Joe spies a group sitting outside. More people than we expected, but there is a woman with long hair. They have some papers on the table.

Could this be them?

I’m not 100% certain. This is the point where my nervousness kicks in. We have to approach strangers and ask. What if we’re wrong? We’d be bothering people. We’d look stupid.

Joe starts to head outside to approach. I decide I need a spoon for my tea – and like the true social coward that I am, I hang back and let Joe do the dirty work.

He comes back in. Nope. Not them. (But the “scary strangers” that Joe just “bothered” invited us to join them if we couldn’t find our group.)

We stand at the condiment counter for a minute or two, scanning the room. No groups. Just pairs. Could the meeting have been canceled? Are we *sure* we have the right place?

Should we bail?

This is the point where I would normally say: “Hey. Let’s just forget about the whole thing, find an empty table, have our coffee, then go home.” Then I notice that right next to us is a table with 2 women. One of them is young with long dark hair. Could it be?

I point them out to Joe.

He approaches. Bingo!

I should point out here…(so you can give him the accolades he deserves) that Joe is an introvert too.

We sit down. My nervousness starts to subside.

Got business cards?

Our leader starts the conversation. How about we go around and introduce ourselves and what we do…and hey, do you all have business cards?

I am prepared for this. I proudly pull out my homemade (with crayon) cards that I made for the speakers conference I attended in April. My cards amuse me. And like the pajamas (which, yes, I am wearing), they remind me that it’s OK to be me.

The two ladies pull out very professional cards.

I am grateful that we’re doing the card exchange. Because I’ve already forgotten one of their names. When I’m nervous, I simply can’t remember names. Even when I do the whole Dale Carnegie repeat the name back 3 times routine. “Darren? Hi, Darren. Nice to meet you Darren.” 30 seconds later: “Shit. What was that guy’s name again?”

Joe goes out to the car and returns with our “boat cards” – the ones we handed out when we lived on a sailboat in Mexico. On the cards: the name of our boat (Pajama Party) and some Jimmy Buffett quotes. Joe’s title is “he who lifts heavy things” – I’m on there too (as “galley slave”). On the back is a picture of us with Milo (“vessel security”).

Then…to my utter amazement…shy, introverted Joe holds court. He starts (very animatedly) talking about our sailing adventure and how he’s on a mission to help people change their lives. I sit in awe. Go Joe!

Go on. Say something. You can do it.

I notice that I’m holding back. This is my comfort zone. Just sitting and listening. Unless I pay attention to what I’m doing, I can easily sit through an entire meeting without saying a word. So when Joe stops to take a breath, I pick up his story for him and talk about whales sinking sailboats.

Later on I shared my story about attending the speakers conference in my pajamas.

Awesome things about networking introvert style

Networking in tiny groups like this is ideal for introverts. I will never again question the value of meeting with “only” one or two other people.

For one thing, there was none of that mutual triage to determine the other person’s “usefulness” that happens at larger events. We were stuck with each other.

Which is an excellent thing, because – as one of our new friends pointed out: “It’s tempting to simply dismiss the individual in front of you…but it’s not just that person, it’s also who that person knows.”

And really? How much can you actually learn about another person in the first few minutes (seconds?) of meeting them?

Because there were only 4 of us (the 2 guys we were expecting were unable to make it) – and we talked for 2 hours – we actually got to know each other. And there was a real focus on “what can I do for you” vs. “what can you do for me.”

Towards the end of our meeting, I even felt comfortable enough to talk about my “secret idea” that I had only ever talked to Joe about. It was greeted with enthusiasm – and a possible location to hold it in.

We laughed and had fun.

We rolled eyes and joked about how bizarre an “elevator speech” would sound in a casual setting like this.

We even hatched an evil plan to re-brand Vancouver or possibly Tsawwassen (because it’s fun to say) as “Portland North” (because so many cool people live in Portland – and as Canadians, we are unable to relocate there.)

Overall, the experience far, far exceeded my expectations. It was fun and energizing (until the expected introvert crash that happened shortly after we got home).

It was good for me to actually leave the house get out from behind my computer.

Much as I love my Twitter and blog friends…there’s a great big world out there…to be experienced in person, face-to-face…and I sometimes forget that.

I have to agree with the observation Joe made at dinner that night: “We need to do that more often.”