For me, nothing came to mind immediately. Apparently my life was bereft of amazing days that I will never forget.
None of my weddings. (Or divorces.) No magic trip to Disney World. (Yes, I went. No, it wasn’t magical.) No bringing a new life into the world. (Not even a puppy.)
After pondering the question for a few hours, I came up with some possibilities.
Stand up comedy at the 6 Mile Pub in Victoria, BC
I had my 45 minutes of fame. A full house, a friendly, receptive crowd. I felt present (with myself and my audience), I felt competent (they were laughing) and I felt like I belonged on that stage. Totally at home. And I realized *while standing on stage* that I was having “my moment.” If I never, ever did stand up again, it would be OK. I could cross it off the list. Fully experienced.
The Toastmasters district conference where I placed 3rd in the humorous speech contest
In my speech, I made fun of my experiences with internet dating and being single again at 40. Afterward, I walked into the dinner, giddy with confidence (and relief) because the contest was over and now I could have fun. I saw Joe across the room. Our eyes met and he stood up and pulled out a chair for me. Later, he threw an impromptu pajama party and our friends conspired to push us together.
The day we pulled into Bahia de Tortugas after a grueling 55 hour sail.
I did *not* expect this to make the short list! We were exhausted, everything we owned was covered in salt water or dog piss. It was cold. And here we were, stuck in the middle of nowhere, less than halfway towards our goal. And we’d just spent an hour screaming at each other as we attempted to anchor for the first time. That day, our traditional celebratory toast to “no one died” lacked some of its usual humorous overstatement.
There are some common threads in these events. Patterns.
- ALL of these are from the last 3 years or so
- Despite the fact that I love my solitude and spend most of my time alone, all of these involve other people
- They all have an element of taking a big risk, facing fear and emerging with a personal victory
- None of them were particularly “comfortable”
What’s more interesting is this: the question asked about re-living a DAY.
And I was recalling MOMENTS.
Taking the whole *day* into consideration, there were some moments in there that I’d really rather forget. Moments that would be candidates for a list of “things I would *never* want to re-live.”
The comedy show took place in the evening. I spent the entire day alternating between practicing my set and trying not to throw up. I was a nervous wreck. I kept asking myself why I was putting myself through this.
The Toastmasters contest? Same thing. I distinctly remember sitting in my chair waiting for my turn to speak, my legs shaking uncontrollably and my stomach turning upside down. Not fun. Not fun at all.
And don’t get me started about the sailing adventure. Middle of the night, 50 miles off shore, hanging onto the helm for dear life, so tired I’m hallucinating, afraid to look back at the giant waves behind me. The bone chilling cold. The fear. And did I mention the dog piss?
And yet, despite all that, I would choose to live the entire day over – to re-experience the bad along with the good. In fact, I wonder if the exhilarating bits would even exist feel as good if the terrifying bits weren’t there for contrast.
In every case, what made the day *so memorable* was the feeling of being ALIVE.
And finally, this exercise really makes me question how I’m spending today. And yesterday. And tomorrow.
Am I living days that I would want to repeat?
For that matter, am I really LIVING?
How about you? Days you’d like to re-live? Things that make you feel alive? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I think I’ve forgotten the day I’d most want to relive because the peacefulness and tranquility of that day and the way I was so absorbed in doing nothing was completely unremarkable. I think I’m happiest when I’m completely boring.
.-= Kelly Parkinson´s last blog ..The end of the steam age =-.
Well…let me think. I guess for me it was a sailing adventure where I was certain I was going to die, but I didn’t.
Your writing is awesome and you have a wonderful way of sharing your experiences Patty.
THX
.-= Joe´s last blog ..Gotta luv Mondays- =-.
The day that immediately comes to mind is the day I left Ontario to move to Georgia. Not that I would do the same thing I did in ’03. I would not go this time. If given the chance for a “do over” I’d would definitely have read my daughters letter before I left the country (she had asked me not to so I did what she wanted) In her letter she had asked me to stay and not go and it broke my heart. I had already gave up my job, was in the USA and on my way to GA. I should have turned around and returned then but I didnt. (what an idiot I was) Anyway if I could relive that day my move to GA would not happen and I would have a different relationship today with my kids than the one I have currently.
@Kelly – I hear you on that. I *like* my life on a daily basis – even though it would appear totally boring from the outside looking in. Most of the time, I’m pretty content. Yet, at the same time, I seem to be addicted to scaring myself.
@Joe – thanks, sweetie.
@Duane – Ugh, yeah. Regrets. Hard stuff. I think your comment really sums up why I resist looking backwards. I don’t want to re-live what happened so much as I want to go back and fix something, to do it differently. And that becomes a form of self-torture.
A few days before my mom died she asked me a question about if I had done something that my step brother Tom had always been blamed for. I had but didn’t want her to know that and certainly not at that time so I lied. I’d redo that and tell her the truth.
Nov. 3, 1979. So I could save my brother’s life.
Patty, ya self torture/loathing is a common past time for most of us when we look at our past. I think your right about not looking back too much as you cannot change what happened andthe end result is you just beat yourself up over it.
I see everyones comments and understand where they are coming from. There are days in life like in a choose your own adventure book where I wonder what would have happened if I had made a different choice like in a butterfly effect way.
But when I read your post I got a more positive what are the most rewarding, astounding days you’ve ever had and would you relive them. These are some of mine:
* Sitting in a waterfall in Fiji when I was 16
*Viewing the pacific ocean from a mountain in Austrailia
*Getting off of the train moving to NYC after a 24hr ride to be right in the middle of New York City at night, what freedom I felt! (I was 19)
*Quitting any of my jobs
*Packing up and leaving for FL in a week
These are all moments that took a day or sometimes more time to create and I would not relive them b/c it would be different now, and as you pointed out Patty in order to gain these moments there was a lot of hard involved.
*In order to see that view off the mountain I first had to hike up it, I fell and still have a scar on my knee.
*The 24hrs in the train was NOT in a sleeper car and I only had $500- in my pocket to cover everything (not much in NYC)
*And yeah to quit the jobs I had to first work in jobs I wanted to quit
What this question evoked in me is a desire to create more amazing moments. Thanks for that : )
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Baby Breaths =-.
@Meg – Yes! This was how I heard the question too…the idea of actually re-living the day *as it happened* rather than an opportunity to travel back in the time machine and make changes. I found it interesting how many people interpreted it as the latter.
@Wulfie and @Diane – I have to admit that I was triggered a bit by your comments (as you no doubt were by this post). I have regrets too. So many things I wished I had said to my mother before she died. And then there was November 4, 1994… Tough stuff.
The first thing that popped into my head? My wedding. Completely cheeseball, I know. But I never thought I’d get married. And it happened. We don’t even remember the words that were said; just the feeling of complete joy. Genuine laughter and suspicious giggling; seeing our friends -people from two completely different worlds getting along and realizing that the Hippie and I weren’t just a fluke.